on my way alone

Sitting here in the airport lounge, waiting for my late plane. Business men calling home and China. Dick parted about an hour ago. It was sad, chilling and exciting in a cold, unexpected way. O'Hare's international lounge is so cold and vacuous. he kept bringing up last minute plans and details. I could tell he was sad and nervous.
Last night was the Bon Voyage Party. It was interesting to see who showed up and who didn't. There were some of my oldest friends in Madison, happy for me and some wondering why I wanted to go away. Giving away things was great and bewildering. People closest to me seemed to feel uneasy taking things, those I knew for a shorter time had no problem with it. Very strange people's view of things. Treating your own place like a grocery store for others to rummage and not fwwling the least bit remoseful. Wanting everyone to have a christmas. I was a smallish but sincere gathering.
Now, I'm missing Dick, we held hands as we chatted in front of the the airport bar and mcdonald's. Blank places filled with emotion. Dick noticed a woman, breaking down because she had to leave her children as we sat, discussing mundane things and holding hands. Repeating, what are you thinking over and over in the sterile gray white blankness of the pre-security food court.
He took a photo of me with his phone, an upbeat one. It was a sweet idea, I didn't do anything but soak in his eyes. The slight downturn of sadness, it was sad but if we never parted, I would never know that look. That sweet look of sadness, knowing he was going to miss me.
I feel utterly blank about everything but how I am going to handle the chatty person I know will sit next to me. I don't want to talk, I don't want to listen. I just want to drink in the sadness and feel the aloneness. And, miss my sweetie.